スポンサーリンク

【Tips】First Date with a Japanese girl [Part 1]

Whatever you learned about dating from your past experience in your country is probably not gonna work in Japan.

How to impress/charm her on the first date in Japan?

スポンサーリンク

Set the date and time in advance.

Of course, in some cases, it suddenly happens such as "tomorrow" or "this evening", however, it's not common.
Preferable first date should be planned in a week or so.
If you ask her out and you say "tomorrow" or "this weekend", she possibly feels that you label her as bored/loser who has always nothing to do.
She possibly says "No" because she feels that you deal with her lightly.(just possibly, but, maybe not)
So, anyway, if you ask her "next weekend", she might be able to easily say "Ok, I have no plan yet next weekend".
Also, making such an appointment lets her feel that she is special for you.
And even if she offers "how about this weekend?" or a very close date luckily, your first humble offer doesn't lose its worth. Because you earn some points by it for sure.

Here is one important language problem.

Be careful about:
"Do you wanna go ~ with me?"
"Do you wanna hang out with me?"
She feels you talk down to her.
Most Japanese people do misunderstand the meaning of
"Do you wanna ~".
Because of bad English education in Japanese schools, most Japanese think the meaning of the words
"Do you wanna ~ ~ ~" is only equal to
"Do you wish for ~ ~ ~" or "Do you desire ~ ~ ~".
Thus,
if you say "Do you wanna go out with me?",
it sounds condescending or arrogant.
(It called "Uekara mesen (上から目線)" in Japanese)
Yeah, I know, surprisingly weird,
but, believe me!
Unless she is very very experienced in English real communication,
she doesn't know it just means like
"Can you~?" or "Shall we?" in that case.

You know what I'm talking about.


Offer a coffee date or lunch date first.

As you are a non-Japanse guy, you have some advantagesabout dating which is a bit hard to get for Japanese guys.
That's true!
On the other hand, you actually have some disadvantages to dating because you are a foreign guy.

"vigilance".
It's not fun to talk, but, we have to admit that there are many "Furyo-Gaijin (不良外人)" = bad foreigners who are just playing around treating Japanese girls as a temporary flirting toy or something.
And many Japanese girls know that bad fact.
So, they have to be more skeptical and vigilant to foreign guys than Japanese guys.

Also, even if it's a normal behavior in your country mostly it's very different from Japanese guys, so, she tends to put a barrier in order to protect herself.

So, to show her that you are a trustworthy nice guy,offer a daytime activity for the first date.
Of course, some girls are no-problem for a night out for the first date although you are a foreign guy.
But, remember,this is a kinda strategyI already mentioned above. Offer the daytime date first, earn some points!



Inform her about shoes.

Compare to other countries, Japanese girls wear high heels in their daily life more often.
For the date, of course, more.
So, if a kinda long walking is included in your first date plan, tell her about it and suggest her flat shoes.
I saw some Japanese girls wear high heels walking around in Disney land. It looked obviously tough and strange too.
If you plan to take a walk,
just mention her shoes in advance.



Confirmation text the day before.

No need to think that much,
but, just send her at least one line.

"○pm, at ○○ tomorrow! I can't wait to see you!"

It sounds you are excited to see her, and it makes her absolutely smile.
If she doesn't get any text on the day before,
she feels anxious you forgot about her.
Or she wonders you are not so excited to date her.
It turns her off somewhat.

CHECK !!


Get there 5min in advance.

You know Japanese people are very punctual.
Even 1 or 2 min, they apologize if the train delay.
That is Japan.

But, let's say, punctually is just to be ok.

If you want to impress/charm her, here is a technique.
Arrive there at least 5 min in advance and welcome her arriving with your smile!
It's one of the advantages of foreign guys!
Japanese people have a stereotype that foreign people are loose about time.
If a Japanese guy gets there even 15 min in advance,
she thinks nothing because it's just very ordinary.
But, if a foreign guy gets there just a 5 min in advance,
she surprises and be impressed pretty much.

At the first moment of the first date, you can impress her.
What a wonderful, right?
In order to succeed in it certainly,
I suggest setting the aiming time 20 min in advance,
in case the traffic or train delays.

If you are late? I'm sorry, it makes her disappointed somewhat because it shows her the date is a low value for you.
She would kindly smile and would say no-problem in order to keep being a nice girl, hiding her disappointment, though…

I'll post some more tips about the first date with Japanese girls as [Part 2], including some interviews with Japanese girls.
Check the [Part 2]!!

CHECK !!